of a thorny hedge that grows around our dormant potential, and how to kiss your inner beauty awake
“Why is it so hard to have a good relationship with yourself?”
Not good enough. These three words can have fatal consequences for anybody. They can be as fatal as the wish of the evil fairy was for the newborn princess in the fairytale ‘Sleeping Beauty’.
I’m not good enough because I don’t have the right skills, expertise, credentials, degree, or talent.
I’m not good enough because I am too stupid or too clever, too big or too small, too young or too old.
I’m not good enough because I am not wealthy, attractive, charismatic, confident, or convincing enough.
Have you ever said to yourself something like, “I’m not good enough”?
Perhaps you feel it, yet try to keep it a secret even from yourself. In the outside world you have to be self-confident and self assured.
You have to believe in yourself. You have to accept and respect yourself, otherwise no one will accept and respect you.
This is what psychology has taught us, and apparently it’s true. We project our relationship to ourselves onto others.
Therefore it is important to have a good relationship with yourself.
The trouble is that very few people know how to develop a good relationship with themselves, though some folks seem to have it naturally.
The rest of us are told to get over our self rejection and practice self-care, self-love, self approval, self-appreciation etc.
Just keep practicing! That should be fun and easy. Why is it so hard?
Because it is like being told to be best friends with someone you really don’t like, that’s why.
“Was there a wicked witch in your childhood who wanted to kill your inner beauty?”
For some strange reason we seem to have a really strong aversion against ourselves.
We reject ourselves, we feel inadequate, we hate ourselves, we think everyone else is better than us, we believe we are the most stupid, ugly, boring, unlovable specimen of the human race.
And we’ve got a long list of defects, flaws, and imperfections to prove it.
But no, you’re not supposed to show these defects, because that would be embarrassing. It makes us feel shame, guilt, and fear because of who we are – and that’s another defect.
It turns out that a good relationship with ourselves is like any relationship. It needs to be nurtured and developed.
It needs attention, kindness, love and a lot of tenderness. It takes time.
The only difference is that you can’t walk away from yourself. You’re stuck with yourself. You and your Self are like Siamese twins.
This means you’ve only got two options. Either you start practising self-love and tenderness, or your rejected Self will gradually hate you to bits.
Was there a wicked witch in your childhood who wanted to kill your inner beauty? Does that explain your self-rejection?
“All feelings of inadequacy point towards your potential.”
In Self-Knowledge Management we look at all events from the perspective of the individual as a microcosm. This means that all solutions to any problems and all explanations for any mystery can be found within yourself.
The explanation for the mystery of self-rejection can be found in your knowledge of your own potential.
Even if you are not fully aware of your potential – and this is very likely the case – the information is within you in some form of encrypted code.
In some way you have an inkling of your potential. You can sense it, even if you cannot put it into words.
All feelings, thoughts, and beliefs around the topic of not being good enough are directly related to the issue of unfulfilled potential. This is like a double equation:
I’m not good enough = I know I could do better = I am not fulfilling my potential
This means that all feelings of inadequacy, every thought of inferiority, and all beliefs about imperfection point towards your potential. They are indirect pieces of information.
Occasionally our Consciousness communicates with us directly, but that is relatively rare. Most of the time the communication is indirect, and the information comes in an encoded format.
“You won’t be able to reach your inner beauty unless you fearlessly face the thorny hedge.”
Many messages from the inner world come in a negative form, like an uncomfortable feeling, a disturbing thought, or a dysfunctional belief.
There is a very good reason for this. Negative information always stands out like a sore thumb.
Even if you try to cover it up, somehow it finds a way to make itself known. It cannot be kept hidden forever because it’s painful.
Here’s a little trick, that might help you to break the code. Next time you feel like you’re not good enough, don’t reject this message from the inner world.
Instead, listen carefully and ask yourself: “not good enough for what?”
Your answer should give you a clue about your dormant potential. It will tell you where you need to direct some kind and loving attention.
All thoughts, beliefs, and feelings of inadequacy and self-rejection are part of the thorny hedge that has grown around your inner sleeping beauty. Any amount of bravado or recklessness won’t cut through the hedge.
You won’t be able to reach your inner beauty unless you fearlessly face the thorny hedge. Only then the miracle can happen. Roses begin to blossom everywhere.
You’ll be able to enter your inner palace and awaken your dormant potential with a tender kiss.
© Veronika Bond, 2015
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